Living in Los Angeles does not help! Well, not this time. Yeah, I know, it’s L.A….LA LA land, a melting pot of beautiful people, erotic weather, beaches, models, stars, cars, swag, entertainment, the scent of cannabis at every turn, earthquakes…And I should be happy like a room without a roof. Like, totally, I get it but…ahh…like I dig it and all…but…Do you get the point that I haven’t made as yet?
It goes something like this: Me, being single and living in L.A., after so many years is akin to boarding the Shanghai Maglev train while at its top speed from a standing broad jump position…Chances are I’ll fall flat on my face or go splat against a side panel while the train keeps going without an inkling. Unless of course I’m Superman, but the last time I checked I didn’t see one of these hanging in my closet:
As time went on and after feeling at peace with who I am there came this urge to explore jumping the train. The opportunities in L.A. appear limitless, but if you were accustomed to a different lifestyle or recently lived in states considered more conservative or like me (all of the above) then this sexy place will swallow you up.
So what’s next? Where do I go to meet people? What do I wear? What’s my type? What do I like to do? Will I need a new car? Where should we go? Just a shit load of double U’s. I decided to talk to some of my friends for their perspective, take notes and put a game plan together. I’ve been a leader and process improvement champion for many years so how difficult will it be to put some bullet points on my whiteboard, prioritize, delegate and wait…delegate?
I still had a perplexed look on my face because after further thought, I had no single friends! I decided to go straight to the source, why not? Where else in So Cal can you find a think tank of social rhetoric? That’s right, The gym! My plan was to ask single #teamfit people: where and how do you meet new people in L.A.? Simple, direct and to the point I thought.
My first and last conversation went something like this:
suave single Latin dude: ok, so you need to meet people, new friends, start fresh…I. Got. You.
me: yep, where should I go? what’s happening in L.A.?
suave single Latin dude: go?
suave single Latin dude: dude how’s your selfie game?
suave single Latin dude: give me your phone
suave single Latin dude: < double tap-tap tap double tap-tap double tap-tap tap…>
suave single Latin dude: ok, you have a profile
suave single Latin dude: take a selfie, wear sunglasses that’s always Cali chic. As a matter of fact, take a bunch of selfies.
suave single Latin dude: take them now
me: <blank stare>
@Armani Exchange sunglasses
suave single Latin dude: wow, you don’t look a day over 40…kinda cute actually
me: yeah, no!
suave single Latin dude: This is how it works: if someone likes your selfie and you like their selfie the app creates a match and then you can chat and maybe hook-up, blah blah blah
suave single Latin dude: and if you’re traveling it will locate hoes in what ever city you’re in and you can match and hook-up that way (he really said this)
me: hoes, really?
suave single Latin dude: what gender do you prefer?
Ok, so I embellished it a
hell of a lot tad, but you get my drift? Without giving it much further thought I decided to play the selfie match game.
A couple of days later I was peering at several random selfie matches wondering what to do next? I mean, after all, they picked my selfie didn’t they? There must have been something that caught my eye when I saw their selfies, right? And I didn’t even need a new outfit, or require Clive Christian “C” for Men. So, why didn’t I reach out to connect and build friendships?
Heck, I matched while sitting on the toilet, multitasking. I wonder how many filters they used on their pic? Hmm, is the pic even of them? Photoshop? which one was sitting on the potty when they liked my selfie?
I continued to read a bio…
Hmm, interesting, she likes the NBA, NFL, fitness, popping bottles, traveling, outdoor activities, social media, reading the Wall Street Journal, twerking and quiet evenings rolling in the sand…um, ok….
Days later I looked at the selfie matches again. I still did not “chat or hook-up” because somehow this felt completely and utterly awkward to me. Is this the new game in town…mobile hook-up apps? Is this where conversation, cologne and Cali chic ends? A couple selfies, a roll of toilet paper and Boom! 26 hot chicks…I think?
Here’s what I learned. It can be difficult or impossible in most cases to jump on a train while its going full speed. At times you have to slow down, buy a ticket for a specific travel date, exercise patience and prepare yourself for the trip of your life.
me: up up and away…!!
So, tell me dude, how’s your selfie game ?